This song. I'm trying to get traction with it. I keep restarting it. I wasnt to feel it. I want to know it's meaning so I can feel at the depth it can take me. I keep restarting.

Can I admit defeat. Can i give up and move on to my next. Why do I suck the life and poison. So alone I play with the dead things that know what i am and despise it. Am I so in need of feling real. No one can stand this reality. To become something wholesome and yet true. And yet true, despite the smile worn in the face of all this horror.

My face has mirrored the horror I see. They can see my face, and wonder at it. I point them toward the horror. I want someone else to see it.

I thought he could see it. I still hope he will. Am i so foolish for hoping I can breath Life into this.

That's it. I'm hoping. Hope is weak. Knowing is impossible. Is there a strength that would help me to believe.

To be real. To smile without lying. To believe. To be watchful and aware of the horror. To see, to feel, to live in both worlds and yet become and remain human.

Is that the goal?

I can't stay here, playing with my dead.